


Divine Intervention

by gleefulmusings



Series: Bits and Pieces [2]
Category: Glee, Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack Crossover, Gen, M/M, Pagan Gods
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-24 07:14:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1596206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gleefulmusings/pseuds/gleefulmusings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt has issues with Regina Mills.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Divine Intervention

**Author's Note:**

> This is all in fun and shouldn't be taken seriously.

Kurt slowly rose to his feet, glaring around at his new surrounding through narrowed eyes.

He had no idea where he was and didn't really care. What _mattered_ was that he had just about to engage in what was sure to have been an incredibly hot, sweaty threesome with Sam and Noah.

Instead he was now _here_ , where there was no sign of a mohawk or semi-clothed Apollo in sight!

Kurt was thus understandably enraged. After all, everyone knew not to interrupt his sexy times. Whoever had summoned him to wherever the hell this was would pay.

Big time.

That was later, however. First, he had to find out what was going on. He could have just teleported himself home, of course, but he wanted to know why he had been brought here, as well as who had the temerity to dare summon him.

Okay, so his egotism heightened in cases of severe stress. Not being in the middle of a Sam and Noah sandwich was _very_ stressful, thank you. Also, he _was_ one of the most powerful magicals in the world and he figured he had the right to be miffed when some unknown entity transported him against his will.

The magic of the spell which had delivered him was far beyond anything he had ever experienced. He had heard of such spells but never been part of one, either as an instigator or bystander. He was understandably curious.

At the sound of rabble, he arched a brow and began walking toward it to what was, apparently, the center of this admittedly quaint town. He spied a newspaper blowing down the street and, with a crook of his finger, summoned it to his hand. He peered down with mild interest.

_The Storybrooke Daily Mirror_.

He pursed his lips and shrugged. He had no idea what or where Storybrooke was, but he wanted answers and was going to get them. He resumed course.

Two streets over, a crowd of people had gathered to scream, wail, and make grumbled threats. They then began haphazardly marching toward some unknown location. He had just decided to tag along when he heard that name.

_Regina_.

His grin was vicious. At last, he had found her. Or she him. It didn't matter.

What _did_ matter was that he was going to use her guts as a new pair of suspenders for Artie.

He skipped after the townsfolk, most of whom were carrying makeshift pitchforks and torches.

This promised to be quite a show.

* * *

Kurt hovered at the edge of the crowd, content to watch them menace a startled Regina. She looked as though she were honestly surprised people were angry at her for destroying their lives.

He could only shake his head in amused exasperation. Regina truly hadn't changed. She was so desperate for love, not even caring what the source of that love might be, but she was also a conniving and vindictive woman who enjoyed ruining people for the sake of it.

He watched as a blond woman accompanied by three brunettes, one of whom was a young boy, push their way to the front to quell the revolt. He was annoyed with her and horrified by the announcement that Regina had a son.

She had _procreated?_

Someone had willingly procreated _with_ her?

Mind. Boggled.

He shrugged it off and waited to see what would happen next. He felt an unparalleled desire for popcorn.

The brunette woman with the blond turned around and Kurt was startled to find himself gazing at Snow White. She had held up well, he thought, and she was one of the few women who could pull off a pixie cut. She had moxie and he gave her credit for it.

Then the brunette male turned and Kurt inhaled sharply the moment he saw the profile.

"James," he whispered with longing. "Oh, _James_."

He had barely given voice to the words, but someone had overheard them.

Regina, desperate for any respite, seized upon the murmur with abandon. "You!"

As one, the entire gathering turned toward the direction in which she was looking.

Kurt leaned back against a tree and crossed his arms over his chest, smiling. "Hey, Reggie. How's tricks?"

She opened her mouth to respond, but he cut her off.

"Perhaps you would care to explain the rush of magic that brought me here?" he hissed through clenched teeth, though his voice carried. "It was at a _most_ inopportune time."

"Who are you?" Snow asked baldly.

He bowed, surprising her. "Your Majesty," he greeted her. "We were never formally introduced, though I'm well aware of your reputation. It is a privilege."

She blinked. "Thank you," she said slowly, "but you didn't answer my question."

He grinned. "No, I didn't, and I won't until I have some of my questions answered."

"Do you know who he is?" Emma whispered to Henry, who shook his head.

"He's not in the book," he whispered back.

"He wouldn't be," Regina scoffed. "He's..."

Kurt's eyes darkened as did the skies above him. "I would advise you to play this very carefully, Regina," he said coldly. "Just this brief altercation has informed me of several things, not the least of which is that you have little to no magic at this time. Rest assured that I, however, am at full power and have been ever since you enacted that ridiculous curse."

She blanched and he reveled in it.

David inched forward. "You have your magic? You never lost your memory?"

Kurt frowned. Lost his memory? What in the world had Regina done to these people? He thought they had all been merely translocated, not cursed with amnesia. He narrowed his eyes. "Who are you?" he demanded. "You're not James."

David's eyes widened and he stepped back as Snow gasped. Emma looked at her parents with curiosity.

"How did you know James?" Snow asked.

Kurt studied her for a moment before his brows gathered and he surmised the truth. "James is dead." He turned toward Regina, a fireball appearing in his palm. "You did this."

The woman cringed, knowing she was powerless to stop his assault. Her only option was to slam shut her front door, though she well knew that wouldn't impede him.

"She didn't!" Henry insisted, stepping in front of his mother to shield her from the unknown man. "The Behemoth killed Prince James!"

Kurt paused, cocked his head, and determined the boy was being truthful. The fireball extinguished itself.

"Who was James to you?" David asked.

Kurt's eyes were suddenly filled with love, devotion, pain, and heartrending sorrow. Snow's immediately welled in response.

David forced himself to look away. He had never met his twin, had in fact heard some rather unsavory stories, but this reminded him that his brother had been loved; that he was missed.

"You were lovers," Emma guessed.

Kurt glared. "We were affianced."

Snow's eyebrows shot up. "King George allowed this?"

Kurt laughter was derisive and maniacal. "That old fool had no idea about us. James was always so worried about what his father thought of him, when the truth of the matter was that George was a manipulative bastard with delusions of adequacy who should have been killed for his contributions to world miseries."

David nodded with enthusiasm.

"Uh, excuse me," Emma interjected. "I don't want any fireballs thrown at me, okay, but would you mind explaining how you were engaged to my father's twin brother? You look about fourteen years old." She turned toward David. "Was your brother a pedophile?"

Kurt's answering roar was only quelled when all of the woman's words sunk in. "Your _father_?" He turned toward Regina. "Just what in the hell did this curse do?"

She pursed her lips and said nothing.

He shook his head in incredulity. "You honestly have no idea, do you? And you cast it anway?" He looked around at the other people. "Obviously this town, Storybrooke, existed in some kind of suspended animation outside of time until the curse was broken," he muttered to himself.

Several people nodded in silent agreement.

"The hot blond must have been sent here prior to the curse being enacted," he continued. "She had to have grown up somewhere else."

Emma, pleased to be considered hot, nodded. "Foster care."

His only concession to her words was a brief wince. "All of the doors to the other worlds were closed with the curse." He looked around. "Why aren't we back in the Enchanted Forest?"

"That's the sixty-four thousand dollar question," Ruby drawled.

"What realm are you from?" Snow asked him. "I know you said we never met, but surely I would have heard of someone with your power."

"Are you a royal?" Ruby asked.

Kurt nodded absently. "I am, but I'm not from the Enchanted Forest."

"What is your line?" asked a dwarf.

Regina snorted and rolled her eyes.

"My father was Theseus, founder and King of Athens," Kurt replied. "My mother was Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons."

Snow and Emma gaped.

Henry stared at him with fascination. "What are you?

"A god." He held up a hand. "Well, if you want to quibble over technicalities, I'm an apotheosized mortal."

Henry's face scrunched up. "You died and were made a god?"

Kurt smiled. "I was, and you are a very intelligent young man."

Henry blushed as Regina and Emma both beamed with pride.

"Greek myths," Emma muttered. "Greek myths are real now?"

Kurt smirked. "Welcome to a whole new world, lady." He paused. "Or would that be _Princess_?"

She groaned. "Please don't. Things are confusing enough as it is."

"You were brought here with the curse?" David asked.

Kurt nodded.

David frowned. "Then why didn't you know James was dead? He died over a year before Regina enacted the curse."

Kurt shrugged. "I didn't live in the Enchanted Forest," he explained. "I lived on Olympus and only came to earth when James called for me. We couldn't meet often because he was afraid of George discovering us; the man had eyes and ears throughout all of the kingdoms."

He rolled his eyes. "James also was playing up this ridiculous role he had created for himself, namely that of a drunken, gambling lech, all in the name of keeping his father in the dark."

"But he wasn't those things?" asked a surprised David.

"No," Kurt said fiercely. "He was a brave, intelligent, beautiful man who I loved with all of my heart, and that love was fully returned." He curled a lip. "I will have vengeance."

"I'm sorry," Snow said, "but both Behemoth and King George are dead. Vengeance would be pointless."

He scowled and looked away.

"Okay, seriously," Emma said, "how _old_ are you?"

Kurt cocked his head. "By what measure?"

Emma stared at him. "Uh, the earth's clock?"

"Oh," he said, nodding. "Then I'm immortal."

"What!" David shrieked.

Kurt winked. "God, remember?"

"You didn't think it was odd that James hadn't called for you in over a year?" Regina asked, looking surprised that she had done so.

His eyes turned hazy. "Time moves differently on Olympus. There is no real sense of it as there is on the surface. Outside of this curse, it has, for me, been only minutes since James and I were last together," he said softly.

A thought occurred to Emma. "None of the people from Storybrooke have been able to return to the Enchanted Forest, but you're not from there. Why haven't you returned to Olympus?"

Kurt sighed. "Because the doors between this world and Olympus were sealed two millennia ago when Xena slew most of the Dodekatheon. You would know it as the Pantheon. Only a few gods and demigods escaped her wrath. When the doors were sealed, those of us that remained took shelter on Olympus. We could travel between other dimensions, such as to the Enchanted Forest, but this particular one remained closed to us."

Emma shielded her eyes with a hand. "Xena the Warrior Princess? Xena's real, too?"

He smiled. "She was," he said, nodding, "and the television show was a fairly accurate account."

"Then how did you end up here?" Snow asked.

"Obviously I was in the Forest when the curse was unleashed, so I was brought here with the rest of you, but I never lost my memory."

"What's your name?" asked a shy Henry.

Kurt smiled down at him. "I go by Kurt Hummel now, but before I was called Hippolytos."

Henry blinked. "Then it was Artemis who made you a god?"

Impressed, Kurt nodded. "She did. She fed me ambrosia after Poseidon killed me."

"Wow," Henry whispered.

"And you're perpetually fourteen?" Emma demanded.

Kurt sniffed. "Seventeen, actually. I don't age. I remain at the age I was when I died." He paused. "However, I can look older or younger if I desire." He smiled. "After my first decade here, I was fortunate enough to encounter a wonderful man and woman who were incapable of having children. I regressed my age and they were kind enough to raise me. I very much consider them my mother and father."

"That's almost...sweet," Emma said.

"If your opinion mattered at all to me, I might find your tone offensive. Since it doesn't, I'm merely amused."

Against her will, she smiled. She could like this kid. This immortal. This immortal kid.

David cleared his throat. "You said you were in the Forest when you were brought here. You weren't there to see James?"

Kurt shook his head. "I was on my way to visit my friend, Prince Phillip, to help him rescue the Princess Aurora." He looked around. "Are they here, too?"

Snow startled. "I can't believe I didn't think of them until just now," she said, shaking her head. "I've never see them here." She looked up at David. "Charming?"

"No," he said slowly, "but even if I did, I might not remember them." He grinned. "I only met them at our wedding and I was rather preoccupied that day."

She rolled her eyes, blushed, and punched his arm before looking back at Kurt. "Would you have been able to help Aurora? Are you strong enough to break Maleficent's curse?"

He smirked. "Ask Reggie how strong I am."

They turned to Regina, who looked away.

"But I thought this land had no magic," Henry said.

Kurt walked toward him and bent down to look into the boy's eyes. "There is magic in everything, Henry. There is magic in every leaf, in every grain of sand, in every dog, giraffe, and person." He paused. "Do you know why?"

Henry bit his lip and dwelled on the question for a few moments. "Because life is magic?"

Kurt smiled. "Almost, but not quite. Either way, it was well-reasoned." He leaned closer. "Magic is life, Henry," he whispered into the boy's ear. There is magic in almost everything, just waiting to be found. You simply have to know where to look."

Henry beamed at him.

"There is magic in your love for your mothers and in theirs for you. There is magic in the love your grandparents share with each other, with their daughter, and their grandson. There is magic in family and friendship and fellowship. Magic is all around you, Henry, but most people are too blind, either by choice or circumstance, to see it."

"Then why can I?" Henry asked. "I knew what this place was without anyone telling me."

"Your innocence," Kurt said. "Youth is a powerful life force, Henry, and innocence is its purest form. We lose strength as we lose our innocence. You see, innocence is the only gift we're given in this life. For everything else, we might fight. In that gift lies purity, and in that purity lies strength."

"I'm strong?" Henry whispered.

"Far more so than anyone has probably realized," Kurt said, "but that will change soon enough." He stood and locked eyes with Regina. "I won't kill you out of respect for your son, but we are by no means done. You took from me my home, my family and friends, and that will not be forgiven easily."

"I'm not afraid of you," Regina said calmly.

"Then you're a fool. You can't defeat me, Regina. You never could. My power is god-given; yours was merely borrowed. Even if all of it is returned to you, you are no match for me and you know it. Don't antagonize me for the sake of saving face. You will lose."

She clenched her jaws and looked away.

Henry tugged on Kurt's sleeve. "Can you help us get back?"

Kurt frowned in thought. "I've yet to discover a dimensional gate and I've been searching for one for almost thirty years."

Henry was saddened. "You couldn't just, like, zap us home?"

"Even I'm not that powerful, Henry," Kurt counseled. "There are limits to what I can do, as there should be. No one should have that much power."

"Not even Rumpelstiltskin?"

Kurt's eyes widened. "Is he here?"

Snow nodded. "He is. He goes by Mr. Gold. You can find him at..."

But Kurt had already disappeared in a shower of golden sparks.

"That can't be good," Snow whispered.

"Or it could be totally awesome," Emma said, grinning.

"Most likely both," Regina said.

David and Henry nodded.

Jiminy Cricket cleared his throat.

At once, the others were reminded they had an audience.

"Crap," Regina hissed as she stepped back inside her house, tugging Henry, and thus inadvertently, Emma and her parents, with her.

The door slammed shut.

* * *

 

"I was wondering when you would show up," Mr. Gold said as he emerged from the back room of his shop, only for his eyes to widen to the size of dinner plates.

Kurt smirked. "Oh?"

Mr. Gold opened his mouth but no sound emerged.

"I think we're overdue for a chat, Rumplestiltskin," Kurt said. "Don't you?"


End file.
